Jumping for Joy...Literally

Last Sunday, Anna and I were able to go to a different church service where many of our friends go. We sang a song called "Alabemos" which means "Let's Praise." We opened and closed the service with this song. By the end of the service, there was a mosh pit in the front. A bunch of guys literally had their arms around each other and just jumped and sang "God, we praise You" with all the energy they had. All my friends and I were still in the pews, but jumping nonetheless. As simple as the chorus is, it filled me with so much joy. I am so, so glad to know Christ. It is truly amazing that my Creator, whom I rejected and sinned against, came to this insignificant Earth (in comparison to the vastness of the universe) to actually die so that I would be able to personally know Him while on this Earth and spend eternity with Him when I leave. He is so great and gives so, so, so abundantly. I just had to share :) Bendiciones!

R.I.P., Elisabeth Elliot.

Many of you have probably heard of Jim Elliot, but if you have not, I suggest that you take some time to learn about his inspirational biography. The movie End of the Spear was based off of his life and the impact it made. A quick read of what made him famous can also be found here. As famous as Jim Elliot is, his wife is the one who makes his story worth knowing.

"When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love him." ~Elisabeth Elliot

While reading through some of Elisabeth's quotes, this one stuck out to me. I have always loved the verses John 14:15 and 23 which say, "If you love me, keep my commands." and "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching." But this quote reminds me of the command that I so consistently fail to keep: "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." (Philippians 4:4). I try to obey the Lord in everything I do, but if I am being honest, most of the time, I lack joy.

I have had discussions here in Argentina about how serving the Lord sometimes require us to sacrifice our dreams. I feel that many of us have dreams in common. So many of us have dreams of traveling to specific countries, being married, having children, receiving a certain degree, or reaching some level of financial comfort. Some of us have accomplished our dreams, while others of us have reached none. The Lord, however, never promises us any of this. In fact, the Bible says in Philippians 3:8, "I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ." Can I get an Amen?!

Back to what I was saying in the beginning, I love Elisabeth Elliot because she challenges me. Elisabeth Elliot challenges my obedience. Am I willing to sacrifice everything I have and genuinely risk my life to follow and obey Him? Elisabeth Elliot challenges my idea of pleasure. Is my pleasure found in attaining my aspirations or solely Him? Elisabeth Elliot challenges my love. If I truly love the Lord, will I not rejoice in obedience of all kinds? She challenges my heart, my desires, and my bucket list! Please pray that I can constantly evaluate my intentions with every action I take here and, of course, when I return.

I wish I could thank Elisabeth for how much she helped me in my faith, but I know so many people have told her that already, and I know everything is for God's glory anyways.

Psalm 116:11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

R.I.P., Elisabeth Elliot. Rest In Pleasure.

Heart in the Matter

The past few days have been strange for me. My heart has been wrung out and feels like a fish gasping for air. Our new roommate has already left, which was genuinely upsetting. I was asked two weeks ago if I felt that God had confirmed my calling to be here this Summer. While I would say "yes" because of how much I have learned and how God has used me, it provoked me to think. I remember when I first decided to come, I was excited to see my potential futures of business and missions intertwine. I remember telling the director of my Christian ministry at school that this trip was going to help me understand God's calling for me. It was going to help me understand if and how I would incorporate my business degree into missions. In my time here, I have been assigned to create a promotional video, but other than that, I have not had any exposure to marketing.

I have missed my devotionals a lot the past couple of weeks. I realized that it is much easier to miss your morning devotional when your whole day is devoted to hearing God's voice and allowing Him to work in you. That is the point of morning devotionals, is it not? When I have thought about going into the corporate business world as my full-time career, I have been stuck with this big "What if..." What if I become so consumed with making money and being successful and reaching accomplishments that I live in a way that is almost like I did not know Christ? Does that make sense? What if I lose sight of glorifying Him in everything I do? What is I lose urgency in sharing that the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ?

As far as prayer requests, please pray that God helps me understand what His plans are for me and how this summer can help me understand. Please pray that I take the time to spend with the Lord in the mornings. Lastly, please, please be praying for my roommate. She has been sick for the past four weeks or so. Please pray that there is no physical hindrance that keeps us from the serving the Lord. Of course, please pray that there is also no spiritual barrier that keeps us from the serving the Lord. Thank you, all!

Bon Jovi's Greatest Hit

Woahhh we're half way there. Whoa OH! Livin' on a prayer!

To be honest, these past few days have been very painful. Why? Well, I remember after my first week here while walking back to the van after our street ministry, one of my friends said to me, "I don't want you to leave!" I literally laughed because I had only been here for exactly one week! Now, my heart is in agony every time I bear the thought of leaving. I do not want to leave those who I am serving nor those whom I am serving with!

This reminds me that we should never feel like we want to leave. If we are glad to leave, did we genuinely love those people we were serving? If we live and love like Jesus did, will we not be as heart-broken as He was when people walked away from Him? (Mark 10:17-22, specifically verse 21) Will we not be as devastated when someone leaves this Earth? (John 11:1-44, specifically verse 35) Jesus deeply loved everyone He came into contact with, and we ought to live like that. That includes those people who have hurt you, those people who have stolen from you, those people who disrespect you, and those people on the news who have done "terrible things." Jesus loves them all.

Recently, I have been lacking this attitude in the States. As some of my friends know, this past semester has been rough for me. I have been considering taking next year off for a multitude of reasons, one of them being a desired break from serving. I have honestly been dreading returning to serve. Last semester, I felt so discouraged, drained, and fruitless. I was reminded of this verse the other day that fits perfectly, and I thought it would be encouraging for anyone reading this who is feeling the same way. Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." No explanation necessary.

As far as updates, my roommate, Anna, feels that the Lord is leading her to stay in Argentina for longer (so she is not half way there like I am). She is not sure if she will stay a few weeks longer or a few months longer, so please pray that the Lord will continue to guide her in His "good, pleasing, and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

I have also acquired a second roommate. We received a sudden notice that a girl named Joann who was from Florida and serving with CFCI in Guatemala was going to join us for a few weeks. She arrived about a week and half ago and was planning on leaving later this week, but she is hoping to stay for a little longer (so she is half way there like I am). I am so glad that the Lord has brought her here so unexpectedly. She is so outgoing and energetic. She has also been very determined to learn Spanish ever since she began learning in Guatemala as of a few weeks ago. Anna and I were planning on taking on a week-long, Spanish-speaking-only challenge once Joann left. However, Joann wants to begin the challenge tomorrow. So, prayers for that! Speaking and understanding Spanish has remained a struggle, despite the improvement I have seen. I would love prayers for persistence, patience, and humility for all of us. Prayers for health would also be appreciated considering all three of us are sick! Thank you everyone for your support!!

Facing My Worst Fear

From the international bus station, we took a city bus to get all the way to our homes. My traveling partner had already gotten off the bus, so I was solo. I was sitting in the back. My bus stop was approaching, and people started heading to the back door. As the bus actually stopped and I tried to get off, I realized that the people who were in front of the door were not planning on getting off. I started shoving me way towards the door as the bus started moving with the door still open. A man grabbed my arm, thinking I was falling, but in a panic to exit, I tore myself from his grasp and jumped off the bus.

The bus was going much faster than I thought it was, and even though I planted my feet on even ground, the rest of my body immediately met the ground, with my head finishing the fall. Two men at a nearby newspaper stand had me sit down. Sure, my head hurt, but I knew where I was and my vision was fine and I could even speak Spanish, so I got up and walked the last few minutes to my house.

Over the next few days, I experienced symptoms like headaches, neck pain, heavy eyelids, and dilated pupils. Every time I lay down to try to rest, I would think about how idiotic it was that I actually jumped off. Every time I replayed the moment in my head, I got so angry with myself. How could I be so naive to think that I could jump off a moving bus?! How could I be so impulsive that I could not simply wait until the next stop?! Over time, I saw the symptoms come, and I saw them go, and I realized that God had protected me in a significant way. I know I should have been much more injured than I was. My symptoms were not even intense enough that I had to miss any ministry. I am left now with only bruising (thankfully, I fell backward instead of forward, Amen?!).

My worst fear is head injuries. I am afraid of killing brain cells, not being able to think as quickly or as sharply, and honestly becoming stupider. I am afraid of forgetting how to speak, how to play the music, who my friends are, or who I am.

This head injury has finished teaching me a lesson that I thought I had already finished learning. My identity is found in Christ alone. I knew that if we put our hope and identity in anything of this world, we are sure to feel disappointed, lost, and purposeless (I remember that place in my life before I put my faith in Christ). Where should my identity be found? In my outgoing personality? In my athleticism? In my musical abilities? In my appearance? I can lose any of those things at any moment. I knew this when it came to a degree, a job, a relationship, a social status, or appearance. However, I did not include the gifts God has given me. I primarily define myself as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, but I also defined myself as someone who loves to play music and sports and is always up for meeting new people and trying new things. The Lord has given me everything I have and has made me who I am. But His gifts of my abilities and personality are just that: gifts! He can give and take His gifts as He pleases.

John 1:12 says, "Yet to all who did receive [Jesus], to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God." My identity should solely be found in the eternal title of God's daughter, an heiress to His Kingdom. What an epic identity. And what better place can my identity be? If I genuinely believe that 2 Corinthians 12:9 is true and "[His] grace is sufficient for [me]", I do not need to fear losing anything else. I do not need to fear losing my money, my family, my health, my abilities, or my memory.

To be honest, this head injury has taught me a lot more. It has reminded me that I have such a hard time being served and an even harder time forgiving myself and my sin. I am really grateful for how God has used this unique circumstance to help me grow in closer relationship with Him. Please pray that I continue to seek God in every hardship I experience here.

Broke

I want to apologize for the time that has passed since posting my last blog. This week has been busy and tiring, meaning less free time and less energy to be on the computer during my free time. However, that also means that a lot has been happening! If I have time the next few days, I will be shooting out a few blogs, so keep an eye out for those.

Last weekend, I had a last-minute opportunity to travel to Uruguay for very cheap! One of the coordinators here had to go there for an official purpose, so we were asked if we wanted to tag along. Although Anna did not want to go, my first thought was, "Heck yeah!" Later, however, I realized that I had not yet incorporated prayer into my decision. When I first started praying, I was pretty quickly overcome with guilt that, as much of a steal it would be to buy the ticket, the money I had in my bank account was not my money to spend. It was the Lord's. I remembered the incredible quote, "The question is not 'How much of my money will I give to God ?'but 'How much of God's money will I keep for myself?" We have to remember that we are all broke servants, investing our Master's money where He tells us to invest it.

I spent the rest of the day thinking about it as we went to our different ministries. I kept asking God for a reason for me to go, a way to glorify Him by going. When I finally let it go and decided that there would be no everlasting result of me going and that I should stay, I had this uneasiness in my heart that I should not stay. There was a retreat our church was doing that Anna and I were asked to sing for, but I felt really uncomfortable doing it because I did not know the songs well enough in Spanish. Even though we would be allowed to sing in English, I felt like I would be distracting others from worshiping. I also realized I would not be missing any ministry if I were to go, and traveling to gain more experience and knowledge of other places for so cheap could help me in future ministries. I felt that God had something to teach me by going on this trip.

I was not positive if it was God's will for me to go, but because I spent so long making my decision, there was a low likelihood of me being able to buy a ticket with the same exact schedule as my traveling companion. I decided to go for it, and if it was God's will for me to go, I would be able to buy the ticket. (I've realized, however, that sometimes, God keeps the door open as a test, and other times, the devil can open doors as temptation or deceit.) On my car ride to the bus station, I prayed "Lord, if there is another place you want to spend this money that is more glorifying to You, please close this door, but if I have any say in it, I would really like to go." I repeated that prayer over and over.

When I got there, I was able to buy the ticket. So I went! Our seats were in the very front of the double-decker, so it was a pretty cool view. The service was very similar to an airline's with dinner, snacks, and drinks served. When we arrived, we spent our whole day simply walking. We walked through a market with vendors sending all kinds of merchandise from fruit and vegetables to hand-made crafts to coins to puppies to reptiles. Just about everything else, however, was closed because it was Sunday. We could not visit any museums of do very much shopping, but we walked through the streets and admired the architecture. We never talked to anyone, gave anyone money, planted any spiritual seeds, or left any sort of lasting impact. So when I got on the bus to head home, I wondered what was God's reason for me going. What was it that He wanted to teach me? Did I go because of blinding selfishness? It was not until I was about five minutes from being home that I experienced the most significant impact...